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Laurie Kawakami
Joined Kanu Hawaii:
Hometown:
Hometown:
Jun 15, 2008
Mililani, Hawaii
Mililani, Hawaii
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Living Aloha in New York
Nov 21, 2009
Yesterday I received an annual performance review at work. Included in the section about my weaknesses was a desire for me to be more "aggressive" in my approach. It bothered me for a while and I happened to tell my dad about it over the phone later that evening.
"Blame it on the fact that you're from Hawaii," my dad said. "And tell them it's because you're Japanese."
I thought about what he said and wondered why I have to make excuses for who I am. I was born and raised in Hawaii to value and respect other people, to speak quietly but clearly, to be humble, polite, compassionate and to help others. In many ways, to live aloha.
But I struggle with that every day in New York, where the dog-eat-dog mentality clashes with this idea of aloha. My office is hyper-political and intensely competitive, a place that values people who are aggressive, forceful, loud and demanding. I often see co-workers back stab each other and take credit for work that isn't theirs, in an attempt to claw their way to the top.
I thought about what being more aggressive means for me and why I should have to be the one to change in a way that conflicts with my values. I often walk around the city and watch people whiz past me, talking loudly, spitting on the streets, throwing trash on the sidewalks. I respect the way New York is, because I chose to live here. But I don't engage in that behavior because its conflicts with my social conscience. So if I accept the city for what it is, why can't people here accept me for who I am? Yes, I bring something different to the table because of my background, but why is what is different thought of as wrong? or even weak?
I guess the same could be said about mainlanders who move to Hawaii, with that ubiquitous "mainland attitude." If I lived in Hawaii, would I accept them for who they are? Or would I expect them to conform and align themselves with Hawaii values? Probably the latter. Perhaps I've thought about this too much.
I suppose it's more about finding a balance while respecting the place that you're in. In living on the mainland for 11 years, I have learned to be aggressive and forceful but only when the situation warrants it. In Hawaii, I sometimes find myself frustrated that people aren't more aggressive about going after what they want, being more politically active and engaged, and finding and projecting their voice in a more forceful way. So I guess there is something to be learned on both sides?
I will try to be a little more aggressive at work while still keeping my values in tact. And one day I will move back home to Hawaii, and maybe I'll bring a little New York with me. Maybe it will be for the better, that I can tell people in Hawaii that being a little more aggressive, a little more "mainland" shouldn't always be thought of as wrong or bad. I think I can show people from this experience that finding that balance doesn't mean you have to lose that piece of Hawaii or to lose that sense of aloha -- that it will always be there in your heart where ever you go.
PS. I have no idea why I wrote this, and if you honestly have read down to this point -- wow. really? thanks.
"Blame it on the fact that you're from Hawaii," my dad said. "And tell them it's because you're Japanese."
I thought about what he said and wondered why I have to make excuses for who I am. I was born and raised in Hawaii to value and respect other people, to speak quietly but clearly, to be humble, polite, compassionate and to help others. In many ways, to live aloha.
But I struggle with that every day in New York, where the dog-eat-dog mentality clashes with this idea of aloha. My office is hyper-political and intensely competitive, a place that values people who are aggressive, forceful, loud and demanding. I often see co-workers back stab each other and take credit for work that isn't theirs, in an attempt to claw their way to the top.
I thought about what being more aggressive means for me and why I should have to be the one to change in a way that conflicts with my values. I often walk around the city and watch people whiz past me, talking loudly, spitting on the streets, throwing trash on the sidewalks. I respect the way New York is, because I chose to live here. But I don't engage in that behavior because its conflicts with my social conscience. So if I accept the city for what it is, why can't people here accept me for who I am? Yes, I bring something different to the table because of my background, but why is what is different thought of as wrong? or even weak?
I guess the same could be said about mainlanders who move to Hawaii, with that ubiquitous "mainland attitude." If I lived in Hawaii, would I accept them for who they are? Or would I expect them to conform and align themselves with Hawaii values? Probably the latter. Perhaps I've thought about this too much.
I suppose it's more about finding a balance while respecting the place that you're in. In living on the mainland for 11 years, I have learned to be aggressive and forceful but only when the situation warrants it. In Hawaii, I sometimes find myself frustrated that people aren't more aggressive about going after what they want, being more politically active and engaged, and finding and projecting their voice in a more forceful way. So I guess there is something to be learned on both sides?
I will try to be a little more aggressive at work while still keeping my values in tact. And one day I will move back home to Hawaii, and maybe I'll bring a little New York with me. Maybe it will be for the better, that I can tell people in Hawaii that being a little more aggressive, a little more "mainland" shouldn't always be thought of as wrong or bad. I think I can show people from this experience that finding that balance doesn't mean you have to lose that piece of Hawaii or to lose that sense of aloha -- that it will always be there in your heart where ever you go.
PS. I have no idea why I wrote this, and if you honestly have read down to this point -- wow. really? thanks.
Comments (2)
Nov 21, 2009
Jacoby Young said...
Oh this is sooooo good!
Nov 23, 2009
Brent Kakesako said...
wow, laurie, this a great journal post.as someone who spent 4 years on the east coast for college, specifically boston, i can really feel where you are coming from. while boston is a little bit more laid back in comparison to new york, it was tough for me to fit into an area with such an intense outlook on life, and as you mentioned, one that requires you to be more aggressive in asserting yourself or you will simply be passed over or perhaps even looked down upon. a story that comes to mind involves the simply courtesy of opening the door for people upon entering a building -- something pounded into me by my own parents. the first few times i carried this out on the east coast, however, i found myself standing there for ten minutes as people simply whizzed by without a thank you, much less a second glance, and i had to fight my way to simply get into the building. furthermore i found myself getting turned off by the way that aggressive culture encourages people to constantly build themselves up and talk of their numerous (and often impressive) activities in order to start up a conversation.
however, by the end of my time there, i realized that i did need to conform to the place i lived in but do so with a balance with my own values, as you have, and in the process, i really came to understand who i am and what my values are. needless to say, i still opened the door for others but only for the first three (or four -- if someone squeaks by) people behind me and found people from a variety of cultures and places (even the east coast haha) who i could be myself with. i picked up how to be more assertive rather than aggressive in a way that utilized the aloha spirit -- espousing my opinion after listening to those of others and remaining cognizant of the circumstances and the desires and personalities of the people involved.
since i moved home, i have dealt with the same frustrations regarding the overall lack of engagement and interest of kama'aina regarding important political issues but i am also learning that this maybe a function of a political process that is too "mainland" and perhaps needs to be tweaked to account for our local, island-style way of life.
yet overall, what i've found is that the experience i had away, whether it was the east coast or another country, has made me much more aware of how i interact with others by listening to their stories and connecting with where they are from and who they are -- something you seem to be have concluded for yourself already!
thank you again for such an insightful journal entry.
brent
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